Planet's Space Platform for Google's Moonshot: What's the Catch?

Google's Space-Based AI Dream: Or Just Another Billionaire's Ego Trip?

So, Google wants to put its Tensor Processing Units (TPUs) in space. Seriously?

The "Moonshot" That's Probably Going to Crash and Burn

Planet, a company that apparently builds satellites, is partnering with Google on this "Project Suncatcher." The goal? Scalable machine learning compute systems in space. Right. Because Earth's data centers aren't already sucking up enough power to boil the oceans. I mean, come on.

They want to harness the "near limitless energy of the sun." Oh, please. Last time I checked, the sun also fries electronics and gives you cancer. But hey, details, details.

Planet's gonna launch two prototype satellites by early 2027. Two. Whole. Satellites. To "test the viability" of TPUs in space. You know what else is in space? Space junk. Lots and lots of it. What's the over/under on one of these "prototypes" getting turned into space dust by a rogue bolt from a 1960s Soviet rocket?

And get this, they're supposed to "work in concert, flying in tandem with high bandwidth cross link communications." Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Like a pair of AI lovebirds chirping sweet nothings across the void. More likely, it'll be a glitchy mess of dropped packets and cosmic ray interference.

"Audacious" or Just Plain Dumb?

Planet believes this is tackling "humanity's most complex challenges." Give me a break. Humanity's most complex challenges involve things like, oh, I don't know, feeding people, stopping wars, and maybe figuring out how to get off my lawn. Not sticking TPUs in orbit to… what, exactly? Train AI models faster so they can generate even more realistic deepfakes?

They call it a "moonshot." I call it a taxpayer-funded ego trip for billionaires who are bored with cars and rockets. Which, let's be real, is pretty much the entire space industry these days.

This whole thing "aligns with Planet’s technology development roadmap for the recently announced Owl mission." Oh, everything "aligns" these days. It's called marketing, people. According to Planet to Build and Operate Advanced Space Platform for Google’s Project Suncatcher Moonshot, Planet is building and operating the advanced space platform for Google's Project Suncatcher.

Speaking of marketing, I just bought a new washing machine, and the spin cycle sounds like a dying walrus. Why can't that align with my needs, instead of some pie-in-the-sky space-based AI nonsense?

But wait, there's more! It's supposed to signal "a new era of in-space and AI innovation." Yeah? Well, I ain't holding my breath. I'm still waiting for that flying car I was promised in the 1980s.

Details on how they plan to mitigate the radiation exposure in space remain scarce. Offcourse, they do.

Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe this is the future. Maybe in 50 years, we'll all be living in giant space stations powered by sun-baked TPUs, while Earth becomes a toxic wasteland. Maybe. But I doubt it.

So, What's the Real Story?

It's just another shiny distraction from the real problems down here. Another way for Google to say, "Look at us! We're innovating!" while they continue to track our every move and sell our data to the highest bidder. Wake me up when they actually solve a problem that matters.